WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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