What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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