i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
