Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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