you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
