Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if i died would you start the facebook group?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
