Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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