whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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