I didn't shave. On purpose
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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