you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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