I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
