we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
