Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
