My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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