Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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