The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
