end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
