I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
