I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
