Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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