She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
