She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
