He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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