I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
