You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
