So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
