fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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