I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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