Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
