I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
