That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
