dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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