I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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