Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
