8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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