you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
