I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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