Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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