The maid of honor just puked.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
