If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
