you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
