you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
