He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
