the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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