she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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