Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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