haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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