I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
