i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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