I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
