Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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