too bad you live with your parents still
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
