i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
