dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
